I'm married!

So my wedding day has come and went, April 23, 2011. It was a complete fairytale, an absolute dream. Everything was perfect, I couldn't have asked for more. It was what I'm sure every single girl dreams that her wedding day could be.
I'm not sure how, or why, with all that I've done, or been through that I was blessed with such a man as my husband. I'm amazed, simply amazed. I really don't understand. I don't think I'll try to though, it's pretty much beyond my comprehension. He is amazing. He is my heaven.
From the flowers, to the pictures, to the food (though the wedding cake was NOT what I wanted and they completely screwed it up, but that's besides the point). i had my memorial table with pictures of Dad set up in the corner, it made me feel like at least a little part of him was there. I would of given anything to have him walk me down the aisle, but my brother was able to do the honor.
It took about 5 hours to do everyone's hair and makeup so we could start taking pictures but everyone looked so gorgeous,

and the guys cleaned up pretty good too. Nick looked amazing standing there waiting for me and I did really good and held off on crying until I was saying my vows. What?! I couldn't help it lol.
I'm so proud and honored to be Mrs. Wilson. How perfect does that sound?! I'm loving my life. <3

~Sarah

For my Nick

it feels so different being here, there is no where else i'd rather be. this is my place in life and i wouldn't change it for anything. life for me is not the same, and i wouldn't have it any other way. seems like everywhere i go, i keep thinking of you. i can't get you off of my mind for a single second throughout the day. you consume my every thought. i love being with you and when you're not there, there is an empty void that only you can fill and it's so hard to breathe without you here by my side. your love brought me to the light and i am no longer in the dark. ...you're where i go cause your heart's where I lay my head every night. i hate trying to fall back asleep when you're not with me, i love falling asleep on your strong warm chest. i count down the seconds til you come back home everyday. i look forward to doing tht for the rest of my life. cause boy you made it hard to breathe when you're not with me. I LOVE you, 172 days til i'm your wife :)

~Sarah

Love is not jealous... ??

Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.....

Love is not jealous? i don't understand. how can love not be jealous? love is one of the most strongest feeling known to man and women. though i guess when i think about it, jealousy would be considered unbecoming. but i still don't understand. when it comes to love, or more directly, when it comes to my fiancee, who i love more than life itself, then i'm more jealous than i probably should be. it is somewhat consuming, and not something that i can control very easily. in fact, it's almost impossible. i don't know how to control it, but since i love him as much as i do...wouldn't it be simple and easy to control and not let things like jealousy rise up?
cause honestly, i'm very very jealous. i'm jealous of his love, his time, his attention, his work that gets him more than i do. i'm jealous of his every glance, anything that passes in front of his eyes, everything that he touches, everyone he speaks to, anyone who sees him...especially if that someone is a pretty girl, a girl prettier than me...i wish worts on her face so that he might not find her attractive in anyway. (which is very wrong of me, i know...but kind of fun ^_^ )
so you see, that is why i don't understand how love is not jealous. but i am so deeply in love, and so very jealous of everything about him...? i don't get it. :/

~Sarah

Sharing my life with my Love

so it has been 6 months since the most wonderful man on the planet has asked me to be his wife and i said YES. the best day of my life so far... the next best day will be when i say I DO! :D i really don't know what i did to deserve such a wonderful, handsome, kind and caring...sexy man. lol.
at this time last year i couldn't have imagined myself where i am today...where i am today, would have been a fantasy that i would think i could never have for myself, to be loved completely by him and only him and him loving me for who i am. i've dreamed of a love like this since i was a little girl, but i think all little girls have such fantasies. they dream of their wedding day down to the "T" and of the dozens of babies they are going to have and living a life married to their dashing prince and living happily ever after.
2 years ago that dream for me vanished when dark lords and dukes tried to steal my dreams away from me. crushing the very hope of a prince charming for me. leaving me torn and broken. no happily ever afters there. only darkness and pain and the only hope was quickly fading into nothing, just like my life had become. nothing.
but fairy-tales do happen. there are prince charmings and knight in shining armors. there are still men out there who will pull out that diamond ring and ask you to be their bride and treat you like the princess you are. there are men who still promise a lifetime and more of happily ever afters.
i'm so blessed and glad to have found my prince. everyday, he showers me with his undying love and i can only hope that he feels my love for him just as much as i have no doubt of his. i hope that every morning as he wakes up at my side that he has no doubt that i'm his princess and he is my prince, and there is nowhere else i'd rather be.

~Sarah

laugh or scream...cry or smile?

So, Monday made 1 year that my dad was killed by a drunk driver. What really gets me is that sometimes, for the briefest moments, I forget that he was even killed. Then I feel really bad… like how could I forget that I had a dad or for the barest of moments, forget how he was killed? How heartless is that? I’m I such a shallow person that I would forget so easily about the horrible way that he was killed? They say life goes on, but so soon?

I lost my hero and my knight, but even his shining armor couldn’t keep him from being burned beyond recognition or his body from being crushed.

He was more to me than he knew, I mean, I know he knew how much I absolutely adored him, but we never really know when’s the last we are going to get to say I Love You one last time. And when that happens, we are left wondering if that person really knew the depth of our love for them.

More than one person told me that it seemed like I was the one who was able to get over the grief of his death the fastest. They tell me I’m always smiling, always cheerful, always laughing. But it’s amazing what a person can hide behind a smile.

I can be a bit bipolar sometimes, but my main mood is happiness. Just a few days after dad was killed, I was laughing and joking with friends while the rest of my family was still buried in shock and grief. I was starting to wonder if maybe I had really understood what had happened. It was sudden. We didn’t even have time to think and process what had happened, well, I didn’t anyway, until the next day when I heard mum talking on the phone and she was telling dad’s sister that when dad was hit, the trucks exploded and both him and the drunk driver were burned. I didn’t find that out until hours after we were told he was killed. That’s sort of like when something broke inside me.

I might smile all the time, but no one knows the pain I hide. I might cover it up with a smile, but tears are still bottled up inside. I might laugh, but it’s either that or scream.

<3

~sarah

Promise of a Lifetime

I have fallen to my knees
As I sing a lullaby of pain
I'm feeling broken in my melody
As I sing to help the tears go away
Then I remember the pledge you made to me

I know you're always there
To hear my every prayer inside I'm clinging to
The promise of a lifetime
I hear the words you say
To never walk away from me and leave behind
The promise of a lifetime

Will you help me fall apart
Pick me up, take me in your arms
Find my way back from the storm
And you show me how to grow through the change
I still remember the pledge you made to me

I know you're always there
To hear my every prayer inside I'm clinging to
The promise of a lifetime
I hear the words you say
To never walk away from me and leave behind
The promise of a lifetime

I am holding on to the hope I have inside
With you I will stay through every day
Putting my understanding aside
I am comforted

To know you're always there
To hear my every prayer inside I'm clinging to
The promise of a lifetime
I hear the words you say
To never walk away from me and leave behind
The promise of a lifetime

I know you're always there
To hear my every prayer inside I'm clinging to
The promise of a lifetime
Looking back at me
I know that you can see my heart is open to
The promise of a lifetime

umm.. do i HAVE to be so dramatic?? o_O

“(So, I WILL go insane if I don’t get in that pool soon. But I will reconcile myself with the sweet consolation that we might go to the beach sometime next week. But I can’t get my hopes up too much lest they be dashed, then I will tumble into the pits of despair and forevermore be brokenhearted and forlorn, never coming out of my dark , gloomy cave into the sunshiny beachy weather again. For it will remind me of the fateful day we almost went to the glorious, sandy beach. (sorry for the drama, that seems to be going around in my family these days) )”

Lol! So I wrote that bit of gloominess last night, but I decided I couldn’t post without adding that this morning i was able to swim. Even if it was at 8:30 in the morning and for only half an hour. But I was so not leaving or starting my day until I got in that pool. So now I am happy!! *cheese* :)

I’m really excited about tonight. Our family was able to get to together with different police stations from all the surrounding areas and we have organized a DWI checkpoint. How major is that?! The checkpoint is going to be from 9:00pm to 3:00 am …not sure how I’m gonna last that long…but hopefully I’ll make it. And I don’t know much about what is going on, so I’ll have a better understanding once it’s all over… well, maybe I will, lol.

Snowball is evil. She is seriously out to kill me. that might sound a little bit over the top…and I am I HUGE cat lover. For real, I had like, 9 cats once. So I should like this cat… right? Uh..NOT! she attacked me. and she gets this evil glint in her eyes that makes me have the heebie-jeebies. *shudders* cat vs girl … who will be the victor in this epic battle?? (not taking side or anything…but hopefully it will be me)

And good news! We ARE making plans to go to the beach, maybe sometime Monday… just can’t get my hopes up. :-D

<3
~sarah

i'm not sure this entry deserves a title...

Augh, it’s almost like one would have to carry around a portable ac every time one walks out the door down here. And the humidity is just as horrid. It’s amazing how spoiled I am to my fresh, clean, cool air on my country farm in only 3 years. Well, going on 4 years this august. Hopefully, I’ll be able to get in aunt nat’s pool sometime tomorrow. I’m dying to jump in. :) and she has a slide! Whoot!

Yesterday was pretty much a bunch of nothingness. lol, we went to my sister’s house where she has unbelievably awesome internet. So I spent most of my time on there watching videos and talking to friends, giving them the updates and such, and FACEBOOK!! I don’t know what I EVER did without facebook. :P and I’ve been putting about a million songs on my music playlist. So.. yay!! I’m going to be listening to all these awesome songs until the playlist blows up. so…you might want to back away from the screen… (just to warn you). :)

Um, I think I’m going through withdrawals. I forgot to bring my honeymustard sauce with me. =o it’s tragic really, I live off of that stuff. It has replaced my true love, (ketchup). I use it for EVERYTHING. From chicken to bread to crackers. And sweet sister Sandy bought me some, but she got the wrong kind. It tasted too mustardie.. and I hate the taste of mustard. (weird)

Well, my sis hired me to clean her and her husbands bedroom. It seriously need some TLC and “sabby flair”. :P I now have it looking like something off of TV. For some crazy reason I love to clean her room. Weird, cuz it was a complete DISASTER! And took HOURS to clean. But when it was all finished, it was like, whoah! It could be in a magazine. aha. Yup, it’s nice.

I’m officially addicted to Farmtown on fb. ^_^
Laters,
<3
~sarah